To the humans that are reading this… kindly go away.
Nothing personal – it’s just that this article is for the pets.
Okay pets, are your humans gone? Good!
So in today’s blog, I’m going to give you a 4 part, step-by-step action plan on how to be the Queen (or King) of your household.
Step #: Be adorable!
I know, I know, this goes without saying but it is the most important part! Is your human not paying attention to you? Well don’t just sit there; do something adorable! Mama was washing the dishes the other day and just straight up ignoring me… NOT ACCEPTABLE! So I quietly laid down where she could see me and I put on the charm!
See what I’m doing here? I’m showing my belly, I’m smiling, my ears are floppy, and I’ve got my paws tucked up all cute… I laid the perfect trap! You can safely bet your favorite chew toy that she immediately forgot about the dishes and came right over to me!
Step #2: Find the weakest link in your pack!
In my house, that’s Poppop. Of course, my Mama adores me and all but she has this ridiculous idea that she needs to ‘give me limits’ and ‘set boundaries’… If I could roll my eyes right now, I would!
But Poppop? Poppop doesn’t believe in such ridiculousness. He understands that I’m the most important thing in the whole world. He knows how rude it is not to share his food with me, or to not let me snuggle the couch with him.
The weakest link can also help when the others are trying to enforce rules and other such nonsense. Just a look at them from you, your big, wide eyes shining, and they will be fighting your case, whatever it my be
Step #3: Create a daily routine that revolves solely around you!
This could be anything you want really. A daily walk, breakfast at exactly 6:00 each morning, throwing the ball after dinner, needing to go out at 2:00 in the morning… these are just some suggestions. My daily routine is “Tucky tucky.”
Every night when I go to bed, my Poppop comes and tucks me in. He waits for me to get settled (this is important because it reminds him who is in charge). Once I decide where I’ll sleep for the night, Poppop tucks me in my blanket (yes, my own blanket) and gives me goodnight kisses. Sometimes he tries to leave too soon, so I start to get up and he’ll come right back in!
Step #4: Remind them who’s in charge!
Humans have a bad habit of forgetting that us pets… well, we’re superior to them. When this happens, you have to give them a good talking to.
This is one of my milder telling offs. If the humans really aren’t listening, I suggest throwing in huffing and foot stomping – works every time!
BONUS STEP: Work on the most stubborn human in your pack!
In my house, that’s “The Lady.” That’s right – that’s what I call her because she refuses to be properly acknowledged as my Mommom. She has been one tough nut to crack and I’m still working on her after 3 years.
I’ve had a break through recently though and I have my injury to thank for that! She lets me get away with stuff now that normally she would never allow. Like just a few days ago, not only did she invite me up onto the couch but she let me snuggle in so close that I could almost kiss her cheek! She said she wasn’t happy about it, but let’s be honest… it didn’t take long for her to start petting me.
Okay pets, now you know exactly how to become the Queen (or King) of your family. Go get your human and start with step one; BE ADORABLE!
-Hedwig